The Shoe Flower




What is a phobia?
A phobia is a strong, persistent fear of situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. Phobias are believed to be developed by heredity, genetics and brain-chemistry combine with life-experiences.
This is going to sound really stupid but ever since I could remember, I have been terrified...TERRIFIED of the Hibiscus flower. Don't ask me why, I have no idea. Some people tell me that it was probably because I was traumatized when I was really young by some incident that I cannot remember now. I doubt it though...
My parents told me that it started from wilted flowers when I was about three or so. Wilted flowers disgust me still. It may be difficult for others to grasp but I don't see any difference between a dead flower and a dead body. I even get shivers thinking about it.
I remember when I was about six, I had to go to a house to learn how to recite the Quran. But the problem was, in order to get in the house I had to go through a path with Hibiscus flowers looming at me on both sides. Luckily there was another way to get in through the house through the kitchen. So everyday I would go through the kitchen instead of taking the direct and easy path just to avoid the flowers.
One other incident I remember is when I was about 4, a photographer came by our house and my aunt asked him to take a picture of me in the garden. We had a garden then and yes it had Hibiscus flowers (thanks to my mom hmph...) that I stayed 6 feet away from at all times. Unfortunately it was the only freakin plant in the garden with flowers on it so the photographer told me to stand near the plant. I didn't want him to know I was scared of a measly flower, so slowly I dragged my little self towards the plant and stood about 2 feet away from it and forced a tight hopeful smile.
The goddamn photographer shook his head and told me to get closer to it so that he can get a better shot. I bit my lip and took a step closer to it, while trying to keep a straight face and mentally shooting daggers at him. Finally after what seemed like ages, the flash went off and I took a breath and started to run off when he said, "Hey, this ones no good, lets take one more, and try to smile this time."
Thats when I started crying..
My brothers used to torture me back then by throwing flowers at me, wilted Hibiscus flowers on top of that '-' They'd tell me that they have a present for me and me being the kid I was, would hold out my hand and they'd plop one into my hand. I'd scream like a banshee and then my mom would yell at my brothers to leave me alone.
Even a few years back when I went to Paradise Island Resort, I saw the flowers on both sides of the pathways on my way to our room and I coudnt go near them. I walked exactly on the middle so I didn't get too close to either side of the path.
I even get nightmares of waking up in a bed filled with wilted flowers or a huge Hibiscus flower devouring me with a "chomp". In my mind I realize that it is not a reasonable fear and that it cannot harm me in anyway, but i still can't go near it. I even got goosebumps when I looked up the picture for this post.
People I know come up with theories about the redness of the flower and wilted flowers symbolising this and that. But I think some of these stuff just don't have sensible explanations. You fear what you fear.
Heres what Wikepedia has to say about the fear of flowers:
Anthophobia is an abnormal and persistent fear of flowers (from Greek roots anthos, flower, + phobos, fear).
Though sufferers generally understand that they face no threat from flowers, they invariably experience anxiety at the sight or thought. Any genus or species of flowers can instill fear, as can any flower part, such as a petal or stem.[1]

Comments

Anonymous said…
a fear of a flower.. heh
you are an interesting character.
bluebooze said…
haha thanks...i think. :p
Everyone has their fears. Don't kick yourself over it.

Take me, for example. Deep down, I fear that my perfect facade may fall apart before I am ready.
LAPUTA said…
interesting, this reminds me of some characters in Yellow Submarine, the movie.. :P
bluebooze said…
Shadowrunner : Ready for what, im curious to know. :)

Laputa: You better not be referring to what I think you're referring to :P
Anonymous said…
She's not a blue meanie. She's just gnorga.
Shaha said…
This is really interesting.. I have a fear of insects, birds, and probably every living thing including humans.. =P
LAPUTA said…
Gnorga , hehehe... but i don't think she is her
bluebooze said…
anonoymous: gnorga? GNORGA?? how dare ye! I think I'd rather be a blue meanie. good one though.

Shaha: Yeah some birds can be creepy '_' like they'd peck your eye out or something with their sharp beaks.

Laputa: :)
Yaamyn said…
Well written, I must say.

Never met a girl who's afraid of flowers! You're going to have a tough time at your wedding.

As a kid I had a phobia of hair. Esp balls of hair floating around or stuffed in crevices of walls - they simply freaked me out.

These days, they just irritate me.

Now I got a bigger problem. I just don't get scared of anything.. which sort of sucks.
Yaamyn said…
You're welcome.

World domination by fundamentalists?

Well.. it doesn't count as a phobia. (It is a purely rational, well-explained fear of losing my rights)

It would disappoint me that at this point of human civilization, we'd be led back to middle ages.

it would annoy me that humans with brains and thinking faculties would let that happen to themselves.

It would disturb me that unqualified quack would have a say in my daily affairs - from what i wear to what i do.

But it still doesn't scare me that they might hang me by my toe nails or behead me. THAT doesn't scare me somehow.

Which is worrying :p
bluebooze said…
hahha damn im so new to this thing, I tried to edit my own comment and deleted it by accident. Glad u got to read it before I did though. Im such a doofus :S

disappointing annoying and disturbing...but not scared eh?

Thats a good thing you know :) they rule by fear.
Mohamed said…
wow this was a real interesting read, not that i take pleasure from ur terror
but there r a lot of phobias like this
there is this guy who is terrified of peaches he would run at the sight of it
think it was on the maury show
(i got really pissed off at what they did to the poor guy)

my childhood fear was rain (well mostly the noises):D
got over it around grade 1 - now i just love it
I was taught to lie, cheat and deceive ever since my family was kidnapped by the mullahs. Only by clever deceit and well-planned lie do I survive in an environment hostile to me.

I would surely be beheaded and worse if my family discover that I am the Shadowrunner.

But my fear does not hinder me, it only makes me strive to ever perfect my image as a "perfect haabee boy".

What the narrator said in Watership Down is true in my case. "If they catch you, they will kill you. But first, they must catch you."
bluebooze said…
Mohamed: haha Ive heard of a guy who is scared of bananas and someone else whos scared of balloons.

I think most of us have a lot of childhood fears that we get over when we grow up. Unfortunately for me I never got over it :) which makes it a phobia i guess.

Shadowrunner: Holy Harems! Beheaded? I hope you have a bigger plan by sticking it out in your situation. What 'freedom' do we have here anyway?

Watership Down :) Now thats a classic.
.mini said…
scared of flowers?
never heard that one before

interesting post i must say
bluebooze said…
its mainly just the shoe flower and wilted flowers. i don't mind other flowers as long as they are fresh. :)

Thanks
Heh. I think even beheading wont be good enough to sate their bloodthirst if they realize I was the same man who drew a bunch of doodles and called the "Mohamed cartoons."

It's allright, though. Over the years, I have learned to lie so well, I can ever recite the Koran. :P
bluebooze said…
kudos to you shadowrunner :D
Myst said…
I have a 5-year-old niece who is afraid of flowers. And flower petals. But she has kinda overcome her fear a little bit now. She is now able to actually hold a flower in her own hand for a few minutes. Quite a contrast from one year back when she didn't even dare venture into the garden on the terrace.
bluebooze said…
Myst: Lets hope it gets better as she grows older :)

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