Divorce...

I envy the little kids who go through their parents divorces. I mean everybody worries about them. An adult child is just supposed to be ‘mature’ about it. In some ways it can be even more devastating for adults you know. Yeah, you’ve got it right, my family is officially not going to be intact anymore. I’ve been neglecting my blog waiting to be inspired by something. Didn’t realize it would come in this form.

I’m not devastated or anything. I’m just thrown off quite a bit you know. The world as I know it will change a lot. I never was that much a fan of change. I like familiarity. Of course I’m not thrilled either. I’ve always looked at kids who came from broken homes and counted myself lucky that I’m not one of them. Look who’s laughing now eh?

I just am not sure how to react to something like this. Of course I knew that everything wasn’t all hunky dory between them ever since I was born. But as a child you just don’t want to know about these things and kind of stay in denial I guess. The mature side of me tells me that I should be happy for my mother who has found someone else. If she is happy and if my parents believe that they have made the best decision, than they have my full support.

But then there is the child in me that feels that parents are not supposed to have feelings. They are supposed to make everything okay. They are always supposed to be selfless and sacrificing. They should not have their own dreams or pursue them without considering us, the children. I don’t think any child could ever see their parents as real people.

Although I am okay with what is happening, I do grieve for the moments I will never have again. Like when ma and pa would be watching some hindi award show and discussing how good Zeenat Aman still looks. Or how they would both fuss over me when I’m sick about how best to treat me. And just seeing them together at home. Or how they would come home from abroad and unpack the presents they have got for me. I am never going to have that again. There is such a emotional comfort in having both your parents together in the same house at your beck and call. My mom will have her own life and I worry about dad. Their lives won’t revolve around me anymore.

Of course I am not blaming anybody. I do not wish to know the reasons or details as to why they have decided to do this. My mother will always be my mother and my father will always be my father. I will not take sides. I have to make a decision as to with whom I’ll be staying with as well. It is like having to choose between your parents. I still haven’t made a decision yet as I enjoy living with my mom and dad equally.

If there is one advice I would give to anyone who has children and is going through a divorce is, please don’t badmouth your ex spouse to your children. (Not that my parents do) But it is critical because when you insult your child mother or father, you are insulting your child as well, because your child would have the same DNA and would feel hurt and resentment as well.

And I keep thinking that when dad finds someone else too, then me and my brothers wouldn’t belong to a particular family at all. Both our parents would have their own lives and we would just have a mother somewhere and a father somewhere.

I do realize it is for the best though, even after 30 something years. Though some things still strike me as scary as having a stepfather, I think I will be alright. It is only the child in me that feels a bit of loss of security. I just hope that everything goes well without any drama. I have had a happy childhood with both my parents involved equally in my life. I guess I should be thankful for that. At least I still have them both, even living separately. Whether you are12 or 22, divorce effects all children, adult or not.

Oh and Happy New Year guys.