Across the Universe...

You lookin' at me?

2011-02-12T12:47:00.005+05:00

I know I have blogged about this before, but I had another encounter today that just made me want to write a sequel to the previous post about staring. Why oh why do people have this infernal need to stare?Not just take a quick look or glance, but flat out stare. I see people doing this all the time when I'm out in public, particularly to me. Now you might think this is just all in my mind and that I'm imagining these things but I know that I'm being stared at. It's not hard to notice when some is looking directly at you while their eyes follow as you move. Then you might say that it's the way I look or act that is attracting the attention, but this shouldn't be the reason either. I look like the average person, not too ugly but not like beautiful either. I dress like the average person, jeans, t-shirt, etc, in normal colors. I walk like the average person, nothing too crazy or unusual that would draw attention. And these people don't just stare with a neutral facial expression, they look as if they think I'm the biggest mistake of the human race. I have no idea what could drive someone to look at a complete stranger with that kind of expression.

Today I saw two burkha clad girls staring at me as if they wanted to kill me. At first I wasn't completely sure that they were looking at me, but when I took a second glance I saw that their eyes were still locked on me and the closer they got the more they were staring and talking to each other. I had no idea who these people were, I had never seen them before in my life so I was totally confused as to why they were staring at me like that. Then when they finally walked passed me they actually turned their head to continue staring at me sneering nastily. At this point I cracked a smile, the look these idiots had on their face was just too funny. Now that kind of thing isn't normal, usually it's just 5 to 10 seconds of staring, but still it happens to me all the time.

So why is that these people insist on staring? This is just a theory, but I think that they do because they are insecure about themselves. They need to know what everyone else looks like in order to make sure they look better or to make sure that they fit in. Then again maybe I'm wrong, maybe they just stare to be assholes. But one of these days when I finally say screw it to the world I'm going to fulfill a dream that I've had for a long time, I'm going to gouge someone's eyes out. I'm going to teach the first person I see staring at me a lesson and permanently blind them. So word to the wise, if you stare, stop doing it cause you never know when the next person you stare at might just finally lose it. :)

3D

2010-08-24T01:48:00.003+05:00

I went to Athena Cinema for the very first time to see Final Destination in 3D tonight. I had heard a lot of talk recently about how many people were disappointed because they were expecting RealD instead of anaglyph when they went to see Ice Age 3. (I only recently found out that there were two technologies and the names for them :P...yes I can be ignorant in some areas) Anyway I didn't go there expecting things to come out of the screen, after all this is Maldives. Everything is too good to be true here.

And please don't judge me for going to see Final Destination because, I honestly thought they meant the first one. Yes I can be gullible as well sometimes. The first movie was the only decent one in my opinion. It had some clever and sinister twists and didn't quite feel like some lame teen flick like the rest of the films. Anyway I was mostly curious about this 3D thing.

Everyone was right; the paper glasses were too loose, the colors were in hues of reds and blues and it wasn't the ideal 3D experience one would imagine. There came only two scenes where I felt like I was actually in the movie. The part where a car came flying at the screen and some part where a piece of paper or a leaf kept floating about and I wanted to catch it. Other than that I felt like I had to keep straining my eyes to keep trying to see it in color and to 'induce' the 3D effect...whatever that means.

But frankly I wasn't that disappointed. At first when I sat down this bald dude in front of me with his gleaming cranium worried me a bit since the light reflecting on his head was outshining the screen. No disrespect intended of course, but luckily they turned off all the lights before they started. The movie sucked, so did the un-3Dness of it all. But the fact was that I knew well enough not to have raised my expectations when I heard Athena was going 3D. I mean come on...did you really think we'd have the Avatar experience here so soon? I have lived here long enough to know that things simply do not happen here. if it does it'd take ages..and by that time, it's considered old news.

But what really bothered me wasn't the anaglyph or the crappy movie. Tonight I found out that Maldivians would either never or would take eons to evolve into mature respectful human beings. The first thing that I noticed is that people would come in groups of 5-10 people and they'd take up an aisle sitting together. An exceptionally loud dude was sitting next to me and he would every now and then call over to his friend (who was named Tuesday or Sunday or something of the sort) who was way on the other side of me while yelling deafeningly in my ear oblivious to what he was putting me through. The rest of their gang also just kept yakking all the way through the movie. I kept missing parts of the conversation which made it difficult to follow the plot. Of course I'm not saying there should be pin-drop silence, but some people actually want to LISTEN to the dialogue too.

The other thing I observed is that Maldivians have a sad sense of humor. It's either that or they just feel the need to go "hahahaha" or chuckle in amusement even if there is nothing funny about the scene or what the actor said. It was like a laugh-track gone bad. And when the sex scene came up, every girl started giggling in a way that made me want to rip my ears off. Every guy just couldn't resist making some sleazy comment on it. GROW UP ALREADY! Haven't you seen enough of that by now? They are just boobs people. You'd think that people would have matured a bit by now.

No respect for other people and still as childish as ever. Yeap...we are still at the same place we were 20 years back. Maybe even worse. That's all I have to say about my first visit to Athena. If it weren't for the people constantly irritating me, I think I could have enjoyed the movie more. "Well at least" like my guy said, "there wasn't any body odor" Now that would have really ruined my night...

Take care y'all

I am back. Or am I?

2010-08-15T15:32:00.004+05:00

I always get the urge to say, "It's been awhile" when I've been away from my blog for a long time. But it's used so often that I'm gonna skip that part and just say, "HI EVERYONE". Did you miss me? No don't answer that. Why haven't i written anything for so long? Well I just haven't been inspired...or maybe I'm just pure lazy. But I really appreciate the people who have contacted me and sent me messages and asked me to start writing again. Maybe that's why I'm writing right now too. But the truth is I write for myself mostly. It's fun to ponder back on it later on.

Don't get your hopes up though, I don't have anything to rant about..well I do but I am not at liberty to if you know what I mean. (Gets momentarily distracted by the mouth watering smells drifting from the kitchen.) Having a mom who used to work as a pastry chef has its plus points. A happy Ramadan once again to those who cherish it.

As for me I'm just slumming it. I have been a bum for like a year now. I been trying to figure out why I haven't put more of an effort to start doing something. But this time I just really want to do something I like. I guess you could argue the fact that even if it is something you enjoy, if someone makes you do it, it would become dull inevitably. I'm not asking for much though. I just don't want to have to end up with a crappy job dealing with crappy people at a crappy place. If you haven't noticed people are horrible here.

But it has come to the point where It has become really difficult to be without money. There are some days where I have to use my brothers Denim roll-on when I cant buy deodorant for myself. And the only new clothes I've gotten recently were from the night market( :D three tops for 100 bucks) and some clothes my ex sister-in-law threw away. I know, i know stop whining, at least you have clothes right.

I just want to do something enjoyable. Something I can do. Maybe like writing, or a rockstar :) (wishful thinking) Okay I'm getting sidetracked here.

Anyway, this is just a short note to let you know I haven't died or anything. And will be back soon with something to complain about. Thank you again for reading my jumbled thoughts.

Adios

Pfffft....

2010-02-15T00:51:00.006+05:00

This post is for the ladies:

Farting in the presence of a guy is one of those things that’s inevitable at some point in your life. But, it’s one of those things that you’ll wish never happened, and if you could ensure that it would never happen again, even at the cost of one of your little toes, I could see a few of you going to the surgeon. I can’t identify exactly what it is about expelling intestinal gas that makes people more embarrassed than a professional singer being caught lip-synching, but it really is the peak of awkward situations.

Sure we are all human and it’s perfectly normal behavior but we don’t want THEM (guys) to know that. At least not until we have reeled them in into a committed relationship. Most guys prefer to think of women as alien beings who are just supposed to smell good and not have normal bodily functions. Only a handful of them are willing to look outside the box and accept us for the real gaseous people that we are and still love us. But in the early stages of a relationship, what do you do if it happens?

Normally, the situation is so awkward because for one thing, it’s unforeseen (like most awkward situations), and two, because there’s no escaping that smell of internal rubbish lingering in the air. That scent is like the cherry on the sundae of life saying, “You can’t get out of this one buddy.” Pretending it didn’t happen just isn’t an option. The evidence is there, the elephant is standing in the middle of the room, and it’s not going away for at least a few torturous minutes.

So what do you do now? Play dead like a possum when it sees its attacker? Blame the guy? Pretend your sleeping? All of which have been tried, problem is, none of them changes the aftermath of the fart. Once it’s let loose, there’s no sucking that f-bomb back in. It is there, idling in your nostrils, determined to haunt you for the rest of your life. You’re a girl, you will obsess over the brief moment for weeks to come. A day after the incident and he hasn’t called you, what do you blame? The fart. You meet up with him and he kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips… but why? The fart. He gave you a strange look in the restaurant…, must be because of the fart. Any future moment of awkward tension is instinctively blamed on a millisecond of weakness that happened over a week ago.

So, depending on how comfortable you are with the victim (now staggering on the edge of the other side of the bed :p), there are a few ways you can handle this...

Your first option is the honest approach. Hoping that he isn’t a complete ass (if you aren’t sure whether he is or not, this is a good way to find out) you can exclaim, “Oh god!” then give your best bambi eyes, and say that you haven’t been feeling well all day. While this may be bullshit at its finest, it’s still the direct approach because you are admitting that something just happened. If he’s for real, he should make some sort of joke out of it with you, and let it go. If this is the case, I suggest some generous fellatio the next morning, just to make sure he’s forgotten about the whole episode.

Your second alternative is to play fart tag. In fart tag, you blame the other person, they blame you, you blame them again, and eventually you both give up and blame the cat. Understand, this really only works if there IS a cat in the room, preferably lying on the bed. Guys do fart all of the time though, so if it really is your lucky day, maybe he did fart around the same time and will just take blame… slim chance though.

Your third choice is to make some extremely random comment directly following the incident. Such as, “Hey, did you hear that so-and-so died?” Or, “Remember how you mentioned you wanted to have a threesome?” Either of these comments should take his mind off of what just happened, even if the stench is still seeping into the sheets.

I do NOT advise pretending you’ve just fallen asleep…unless you let one slip after the two of you have been lying there for at least twenty minutes. In that case, chances are he’s asleep so you don’t even have to worry about it. Otherwise, you’ll most likely do a terrible acting job pretending to be asleep. Besides, if you pop one out and then act like it sent you into a sudden fit of sleep, he might REALLY start to wonder how your body functions.

Divorce...

2010-01-04T12:22:00.001+05:00

I envy the little kids who go through their parents divorces. I mean everybody worries about them. An adult child is just supposed to be ‘mature’ about it. In some ways it can be even more devastating for adults you know. Yeah, you’ve got it right, my family is officially not going to be intact anymore. I’ve been neglecting my blog waiting to be inspired by something. Didn’t realize it would come in this form.

I’m not devastated or anything. I’m just thrown off quite a bit you know. The world as I know it will change a lot. I never was that much a fan of change. I like familiarity. Of course I’m not thrilled either. I’ve always looked at kids who came from broken homes and counted myself lucky that I’m not one of them. Look who’s laughing now eh?

I just am not sure how to react to something like this. Of course I knew that everything wasn’t all hunky dory between them ever since I was born. But as a child you just don’t want to know about these things and kind of stay in denial I guess. The mature side of me tells me that I should be happy for my mother who has found someone else. If she is happy and if my parents believe that they have made the best decision, than they have my full support.

But then there is the child in me that feels that parents are not supposed to have feelings. They are supposed to make everything okay. They are always supposed to be selfless and sacrificing. They should not have their own dreams or pursue them without considering us, the children. I don’t think any child could ever see their parents as real people.

Although I am okay with what is happening, I do grieve for the moments I will never have again. Like when ma and pa would be watching some hindi award show and discussing how good Zeenat Aman still looks. Or how they would both fuss over me when I’m sick about how best to treat me. And just seeing them together at home. Or how they would come home from abroad and unpack the presents they have got for me. I am never going to have that again. There is such a emotional comfort in having both your parents together in the same house at your beck and call. My mom will have her own life and I worry about dad. Their lives won’t revolve around me anymore.

Of course I am not blaming anybody. I do not wish to know the reasons or details as to why they have decided to do this. My mother will always be my mother and my father will always be my father. I will not take sides. I have to make a decision as to with whom I’ll be staying with as well. It is like having to choose between your parents. I still haven’t made a decision yet as I enjoy living with my mom and dad equally.

If there is one advice I would give to anyone who has children and is going through a divorce is, please don’t badmouth your ex spouse to your children. (Not that my parents do) But it is critical because when you insult your child mother or father, you are insulting your child as well, because your child would have the same DNA and would feel hurt and resentment as well.

And I keep thinking that when dad finds someone else too, then me and my brothers wouldn’t belong to a particular family at all. Both our parents would have their own lives and we would just have a mother somewhere and a father somewhere.

I do realize it is for the best though, even after 30 something years. Though some things still strike me as scary as having a stepfather, I think I will be alright. It is only the child in me that feels a bit of loss of security. I just hope that everything goes well without any drama. I have had a happy childhood with both my parents involved equally in my life. I guess I should be thankful for that. At least I still have them both, even living separately. Whether you are12 or 22, divorce effects all children, adult or not.

Oh and Happy New Year guys.

If looks could kill...

2009-11-16T18:17:00.002+05:00

I hate walking on the streets in Male', I really do. Why? Because people friggin' stare so much. What is their problem? And even if you catch them staring, they'd still stare back as if its not at all rude or anything. Bah..Maldivians..If only they'd at least do it subtly I wouldn't complain so much.

What I've noticed also is that it's mostly the women who stare at other women. Before I always thought I was imagining it and I'm being paranoid but recently me and my guy (lets call him Dhonkalo) went out for a bite and we came across a bunch of girls at the door. The moment they saw me they were like just glaring at me looking me up and down as if i had just mugged their grandma or something! :S I was oookay..(gulp) and just meekly and hurriedly went inside past them. I still thought nah they must Its prolly just me when Dhonkalo remarked, "Haadha rulhi aissa ey dho ebely" I was like bingo! It's not just me! They do stare like vultures..almost foaming at the mouth they were yesh!

Some people might say oh women just look at other women to check out what they are wearing. I also do that if i see someone wearing something drool worthy. But I always make sure they don't catch me while doing it. Also I don't glare at random women. Or maybe I should? Maybe it's some feminine gene I'm missing like the mother gene (that's for another post)

Others say that they are just jealous. I'd believe that if it were the ugly women who stare, but nooo these are actually good looking women who actually feel so insecure that they need to look down on other women. I just don't get it at all.

Then of course there are the ones who say that those are lesbians..but trust me their stares smoulder in a whole different way. Point is, weren't they taught at all that openly just staring at someone is just rude? It makes me so uncomfortable, like I just don't enjoy going out at all because of it. But lately since I ruined my contacts it has been easier since I am half blind and oblivious to all the staring. Ignorance is bliss.

What is it about people here that makes them want to look up and stare at them whenever someone enters a coffee shop? Sure, looking up is a reflex, but have they not heard of common etiquette??? Constantly, just constantly it feels like someone is analyzing me up and down. It's not just the staring..then they start staring and whispering. And all you hear are "psss pspspsss eyna pss pss" So annoying!

So I plan to master the art of not seeing them. Just pretend they don't exist. (It's pretty hard at times when someone is trying to burn a hole in your forehead though) So yeah I shall try to ignore them..hence will achieve bliss. Wish me luck.

Happy Birthday to me.

2009-11-04T00:59:00.005+05:00

Another year, another age. How does it feel? It feel just like another day. I have never been the kind of person who had friends and had surprise birthday parties (well not since I was 13), was never the popular chick, so I always hated my birthday coz its an annual reminder of how alone I really am. But this birthday, I somehow feel different. I feel content. I suddenly have people who actually give a damn about me. Sure they are a few bunch, but they made me realize that I also count as a person. Like before I was so depressed I felt like if, I died no one would even notice. So yeah, this post is a thank you, to my family (luckily I've got the best), And to the people who have made a difference in my life. Hope you know who you are ^^ Thanks to everyone who wished me too.

Torture...

2009-10-27T22:12:00.002+05:00

Most of us have been there at least once in our lives. Back of a classroom, lecturer going on and on about something you just can't follow. Fighting with all your might not to doze off. Pretending to take notes every now and then. Observing other students picking their noses subtly.

Tonight was one of those nights. At one point I really thought I was gonna drop dead on my notes so had to occupy my mind with something. Hence found myself writing a random poem. Thought I'd share it with you guys. It was Human Resource Management tonight and it's one of the most boring subjects I've come across. Don't understand the fascination with everyone studying it as a major these days.

Also in my defense, I wrote this in 10 minutes. So don't be cruel about the crappiness of it. Also I realize there is no such word as 'worstest' but um..call it poetic licence. :D

Although I have no excuse for me other posts. =p

Here goes:

The monotonous drone of her voice,

goes on in an endless stream.

Bland, mundane and without poise,

This maybe my worstest dream.

Maslow! Herzberg! The torture continues,

as I doodle to pass the time.

So bored I'm seeing different hues,

Though some take it just fine.

Eyelids drooping, need sticks like Tom.

Fifteen minutes to go, when will it end?

Screw this diploma, I'd rather stay dumb,

Specially HRM, without that I can fend.

What is love? ( No not the old 90s dance song)

2009-10-20T23:39:00.007+05:00

I asked the age old question to a couple (ok more than a couple) of my friends and I got some interesting answers. All names have been changed to protect the (ahem) identity of them.

Something very crazy... It’s umm what do I say... Feeling made up by everyone to justify not calling what they feel for the opposite sex as lust or an urge to mate perhaps? - Frou Frou

Love was when ... Adam stole the forbiden fruit for Eve. Love is when he gave up heavens to make her happy. Love is when nothing else matters. Love is never jealous nor is it needy, but love is insatiable. Love is when you see her go wow! Love is the fire that burns more when in absence. - The Masked Avenger.

It’s a simple 4 letter word in the English dictionary. - Skeith.

Whatever you make of it. It’s a vague notion to define attraction. - Sensei
Depends on who’s asking I guess... - Some Ah

Love is what makes a man feel really, really alive. It's positive, lovely and makes no sense at all. - Bengali

Love is life? - Cherry

Caring. Honesty. Loving. Forgiving. Fun. Sexy. Sharing etc = LOVE – Knight

Beautiful at first... but painful in the end? – Bills.

Is the attraction towards a thing or a being that defines ones perception of the other and determines ones demeanor towards the afore said.. Resulting in a complex social relationship; be it positive or negative. positive being romantic caring and selfless... negative being obsessive and selfish... – Sunshine

Love is what u feel in your heart that gets u emotionally and physically attached to it... um... Confused with lust... love is more like a risk that u get into. It’s just a mind game between your heart and your brain. Sometimes your brain tells u something else while your heart wants something else.
The feeling in your heart, that u risk yourself for others; your family / your friends or girlfriend boyfriend... the feelings that all comes out FROM YOUR HEART.... not your brain... that’s LOVE... - Wheels

Unconditional affection and companionship – Ania

I can give you an analogy. Say you want to buy a DVD player...the main purpose of buying it, would be to play DVDs that can be done if there was only a play button on it...without rewind and things. but you would go for the one with the most functions that would ease your viewing experience. Also lets not forget you'd go for a durable one.but I recently found out there is something else too. That there is a feeling... - Twitterpated.

Reverie...

2009-10-11T23:22:00.007+05:00

The pale moon gleams, filling this dark night with light.

Everyone sleeping so content, into their dreams.

Except for a few glazed eyes dead to the world.

While she looks at him with lust...

Oblivious to her desires,

He is brought here to be tempted by the fires below.

As he enters, he says she cannot touch.

Their passion consumes them making it hard to restrain,

As he ravages and plunders her.

And savagely he thrusts, the moment tasting,

Deep inside of her.

Softly she screams before she wakes up,

Wakeful again as she returns from her reverie.

Looks at him with lust...

Once more again.

Silence! I keel you!

2009-10-06T21:08:00.008+05:00

Did you ever observe some people and wonder to yourself, 'How can these people be so violent?' It doesn't matter whether we are living in the 'modern' world now. Some people are still willing to risk their lives and the lives of others for something that doesn't even makes sense in the first place.

They thrive on hatred, not only just condemn others for being different but go as far as to slaughter them. Even the people who think that they are free have their own limitations because of these people. The whole world is a slave to them. And its spreading like the plague.

Why? Because pray forbid, if you 'offend' them, its simple. You are a dead duck walking err i mean waddling. Nobody wants to speak out against them. Even the most powerful people in the world try to stay out of their affairs as much as possible. Nobody wants to live their life in hiding, so they just simply stay quiet. Who can blame them? Everyone would want to live a normal life.

Sometimes I wonder if its just me who feels like a disembodied spirit watching how people act and going 'tsk tsk' to myself, disappointed.The sheer lunacy of these people astound me. We have BIGGER problems people! Instead of trying to kill each other over which idiot is a bigger quack, why don't we try doin something worthwile for a change? Gee I don't know like....SAVE THE FRIKKIN EARTH OR SOMETHING!

It has gotten so extreme that its not just the people who are different that they target. Even if one of their own talks to someone different its still, "Eynaa Maraalaa! Eeeyna Andhaalaa!" This is supposed to be the 21st Century but they are still barbarians. There's no such thing as an ounce of humanity...whats left are just some programmed puppets that some people with power and money are pulling at with their strings.

Maldivians too, they say out loud without a flinch, "Those people deserve to die!". Just because they are of a certain race, heritage or religion. It doesn't matter that you don't know these people, everyone of them is horrible and should be wiped out! Sigh....all I have to say to that is:

“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.” - Gandalf, Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien.

Disney Couplet

2009-10-03T23:46:00.004+05:00

Yesh I LOVE disney classic cartoons...not the new ones though. I mean what is UP with all those part IIs of old classics??? If they could animate so well back then (Eg. The Lion King, Rescuers Down Under), why don't they bother to do it now?? It's horrible I tell you, Walt would be rolling in his grave. I don't know why I still adore the good old 2D animations. Not that I don't like Pixar stuff , I mean movies Toy Story and Walle were awesome. But there's something about gems like 'The Sword in the Stone, Robin Hood that just hits you right there.

I've decided that my favorite Disney Couple is Phoebus and Esmeralda. Her because she's got spunk and way different from the usual 'princesses' that you see, so weak and timid just waiting for some prince charming to save them. She's a far cry from the damsels in distress that we have gotten used to over the years. Oh and a close second would be Meg from Hercules.

And Phoebus, because he is the ONLY dude who has a beard! I like the bad boy image so John Smith comes a close second. (yes I know they are both blonde, I don't even like blondes but they look better animated!) Come to think of it Simba was kind of hot too...like my friend says, "So what if he's an animated lion? He still turns me on.' :P

Who'd you say your favorite Disney couple is?

I think I'm dumb...or maybe just happy.

2009-10-02T22:26:00.008+05:00

I'm baaack, well technically I didn't go anywhere. I was just away from a lot of material things for awhile and pondering the meaning of life while being all spiritual and zen. Ok who am I kidding...the PC broke down, my phone got disconnected and I was just being a recluse all these days. But I DID ponder about a lot of stuff and well, here are my random thoughts for today. (Warning might not make much sense.)

First of all, whoever invented diet coke should be arrested. I tasted it for the first time coz there was nothing else at home and I almost choked on it's watery taste. Oh I know what you're thinking, "What? That's your big epiphany?" Well it's not. I just thought I'd mention it.

I just got to thinking...and here's my 'advice' to everyone. Life is short, and you only get ONE of them. Live it your way. Have fun. Make memories. Meet people. Travel. Take pictures. Try new stuff. You know how they say a well-spent day results in heavenly sleep? Well the same way, a well-spent life would guarantee a death without any regrets. One of the worst feelings to live with is having to think, "I wonder what might have happened if i did that..or if I didn't do this"

Don't live your life for another person, believe me I know. When your life revolves around another person, you lose who you are. Let nothing hold you back from living your life to your instincts. Of course people will talk and try to put you down but WHO CARES? It's your life and if you can't do what you want now, then when can you? Too often do we refrain from being ourselves as we are, just so that everybody else is pleased. You can't please everyone, and the most important thing is pleasing yourself. No one else will you know...

I'm in the process of finding myself again and I feel so much better, stronger to know that I'm in control of my life and where it's headed. I feel like I can be my random self and do silly stuff like dancing in the rain with friends, have pillow fights and travel to places without worrying too much about what others might think of me. In the end I'm happy. We are so busy TRYING to be happy that we don't even know what it means. Sometimes all you can do is just think positive and decide to be happy. It works...and it rubs off on others too.

Most of us are so self-conscious that we join in with mocking the people who do actually pursue their dreams. We mock them out of resentment coz we know they are happy and they have a great life contrary to what pathetic people say. So what if some people laugh at us? It's okay to laugh at yourself. People will eventually love you for it. Oh and its better to be hated than ignored.

I guess you could say these past years I was so rapunzeled (isolated from society) up in the tower that, I kind of became institutionalized to that way of living. But not so much that I feel I can't get back to the real world again. (Reference to old Brooks in my favorite movie The Shawshank Redemption) It's gonna be a slow process but for the first time, I do feel that I can at last be free to be me.

Actually I'm pretty sure I haven't made an ounce of sense above and maybe some people who have been talking to me might get where all this is coming from. I'm half sleep deprived right now thanks to 'someone' hmph :P I blame my nonsensical blurtations on that fact. Also CURSE THAT WOMAN WHO BOUGHT THE SHOES THAT IVE BEEN EYING AND DROOLING OVER AND SAVED MONEY FOR!!! ahem...yes I think I should stop now.

Whoever who read this to the end...I thank you.

Screw Tradition

2009-09-19T16:46:00.005+05:00

It always seems that when I'm writing a post, I always rant about something but hey it's only when I'm upset that I can come up with enough material to write something.

I recently told someone that I don't want to get married anytime soon. Her response was, "Thihen huttas muskulhi vedhaane, eyrun nuvaane innane meehakuves"

Why? why? why does society have to decide for me when I have to get married? I don't consider myself as an old hag yet but EVEN if I was. What is it about unmarried women that gets those domestic goddesses in a rut?

Yes I am aware that I have a biological clock and everything but PLEASE let me decide the fate of my womb! And even if I didn't go the traditional way, it does not mean that I am any lesser of a person or that I am unhappy and you need to pity me.

I am not saying that I don't need a man. Of course I do, and as every girl would, I used to dream about a wedding and a pretty dress and such things. But I'm just sayin don't judge me for not wanting to get married at an early age and have 2 kids right after, just to fit in with everyone else. I don't want to get myself into something I am not ready for, just so that people would stop pointing fingers at me.

Funny thing is, I'm not even that old to be considered as an old maid yet (At least in international standards). Usually the girls these days tie the knot as soon as they hit eighteen. People! we already have the world record for the highest divorce rates! Why would you want to add to it?

Or maybe it's a source of pride for them? O.o

Some girls just get married because they are 'in love' and sometimes I think just for the kick of having a huge party with a dress that costs RF 10'000. They don't envision the part that comes after. Honestly I am terrified of marriage, specially after recent personal events that have happened.

So tell me, does it really make me an incomplete person if I don't have a piece of paper with some legal formalities that links me to another person?

Couldn't resist...

2009-09-18T16:28:00.003+05:00

After my last post which kind of garnered a lot of attention. I've decided to cool it down a notch and shut my trap for awhile.

I was waiting for a taxi one day in front of my home and there was this web of pipes and pieces of wood stacked near the door. This random thing caught my eye and I just had to take a picture right then and there. It was at the end of a pipe sort of thingy and I'm sure it wasn't meant to look like that. But I got a fit of giggles just looking at it and couldn't resist posting it.

I've been going through some life-altering changes and I am still kind of fuzzy about where I am headed. (why am I assuming anyone would be interested in this?)

I am hoping to be able to come up with a decent post by Monday. (hoping I do have some actual readers) No promises though.

Eid Mubarak everyone :)

The wall is still GREEN!

2009-09-14T01:55:00.006+05:00

I am so fed up with people telling me what I should think like, believe in, act like and value. I mean does it not occur to these people that believing something is not a choice that I make (although in their case it seems to be) . These people act like I just should believe simply because I have to. My brain does not work that way I tell you!

First it has to make sense to me in a logical reasonable way so that I can wrap my mind around it. I cannot simply say "I believe" and voila become a believer. I mean you can make me say the words but in my mind I would still believe in only what makes sense to me. So what is the point? For eg: Someone can show me a green wall and ask me to believe it is red, but my mind would just see it for what it actually is. A bloody GREEN wall! Just because I say I believe it is red does not mean I can actually believe it.

In the same way, no matter how hard people intentionally or unintentionally try to shove down their doctrines on me, I just simply cannot go against my mental reasoning and instinct just to succumb to their dogmas. Some of them mean well I know and actually believe that they are saving my soul from eternal damnation or summat. But I ask of them to let me think for myself since I don't preach about my values (or the lack of it) to them either.

Seriously I can't even sing a song in peace these days. I was singing to myself among some people one day. The song was "Mrs.Robinson" by Simon and Garfunkel. There is this line in the song that goes, "Jesus loves you more than you will know". The moment I sang that part they were on my ass about how I should not sing such things and that people might think I was a Christian or something!

Wtf? Can't a girl sing a classic rock song in peace without buzzards circling around making preposterous accustations? It was just a frikkin classic rock song and it wasn't even in a religious context! We don't officially have any religious police here like in Iran or Saudi Arabia, but some of the locals here are sufficient, I think. :|

We have been given a brain that thinks, analyzes and come to conclusions, so why not use it. Isn't that the beauty of it? And even if the conclusion you come to is totally distorted, keep it to yourself instead of shoving it down innocent bystanders throats! Must you simply drag down others with you? I shall use and old cliche' "live and let live' . Easier said than done.

The future scares me . . .

Kratos

2009-09-12T17:31:00.007+05:00

I have been having a tough few days and could not think of anything to write about this week. So instead I'm gonna post a pic of my lord, Kratos who makes me happy when I am blue. Yes, I do play GOW and that does not make me any less of a girl! So there.

Although the flowing of his loincloth distracts me and gets me killed by the Minotaurs usually, its the best game in the world ever (FOR ME)!!! I remember when I first played it. I was so hooked, I stayed up all night and skipped work the other day as well. You just feel so powerful like you are actually a god. Meyfuppafa indhefa kulhevenyves :D hehe. You ought to see me during the parts where you have to press 'o' rapidly to make a kill. It's like I'm playing the tabla on the joystick.

I have finished GOW 1 and 2 some gazillion times now and am currently drooling over the trailer of GOW3. But alas it is not to be...not only would I need to get a PS 3 but also an HD TV at that.

Crap...

Dear Mr. Crocodile... (I assume you are a Mister...thousand apologies if not)

2009-09-06T22:07:00.007+05:00

I heard you were a baby when you were found by some people at our shores. You must have been lost, very scared and confused. You must have been hungry and exhausted from swimming for so long. I bet you were wishing that your mama was there, so she could have protected you from these strange people.

I found out that they put you in a cage at the childrens park so that people could come and gaze at wonder at you. You were pretty small then, so you did not take up much space. You must have been pretty lonely since there was not anyone like you around near you. I was told that they fed you well though...and then you started getting bigger..and bigger... and bigger.

The little man-made pond is not big enough for you anymore. It made me very sad Mr. Crocodile, to see that you could not even straighten yourself to your full length in that sorry excuse of a home made for you. I guess your back must ache a lot huh? Being curled up all the time. But I guess that is not the point, the point is you are in a cage, when you are not supposed to be.

I can only imagine what it must feel like for you, everyday seeing the same scene, little children pointing at you and laughing. Not getting any chance to exercise or explore. You are a wild animal Mr.Crocodile, you should be free and able to muck around in swamps and experience the pleasure of catching your own prey in your natural habitat where you belong.

I know you probably would feel very lonely, not even being able to mate. But what do us arrogant humans care eh. It is just a another useless animal and an ugly one at that. We have got our own shit to deal with. But I want you to know, there are people who think of you and wish a better life for you and are deeply saddened about your condition. I hope that someday you get rescued from this god forsaken place and be free to make a family of your own and live a long healthy and happy life...

Here's to you Mr. Crocodile.

Perverse Universe

2009-08-30T22:38:00.003+05:00

This post was a bit difficult to write as it is a bit personal :|

I've heard a lot of grisly stories of children being molested in the Maldives and I realize now that I have been very lucky myself as a child. I have never been molested to the extent that most people here would consider as 'real abuse', but I have these memories of a person, we'll call him the 'old fart' treating me very unappropriately when I was a little girl...

This dude was an old family friend who visited us often. He was a very jolly and likeable character so everyone in my family liked him a lot including me. I saw him as an uncle or a grandfather figure who made me laugh a lot. I was about 8 or 9 then and I don't remember much but what I remember very vividly is that whenever he came over, he would come and hold me againt his groin and rub himself on me in an "affectionate way". I was pretty small back then and he was a tall guy so my head just reached only his waist. At the time I had no idea what his real motives were but I remember feeling uncomfortable and twisting out of his grasp as fast as I could. It didn't strike me that what he had done was very very wrong until I was a bit older.

After I was about 13 or 14, he came over one day, I was a bit wary of him by then but was polite to him all the same or else my parents would ask me why I was being rude to him. He called me over to the kitchen saying, "Come over here. I want to show you something." I came near him slowly, ready to sprint at any sign of his hands coming at me and he showed me a picture. It was a picture of a huge hairy penis and he was like "Look at it closer". I turned a shade of green and ran to my room and didn't come out till he went away.

After that, I didn't bother whether my parents thought I was being rude to him or not, I actually hissed and snarled at him whenever he talked to me. I tried telling my parents about it but I guess they thought I was being silly and it was just a childs imagination or 'the old fart' was just fooling around and I misunderstood his intentions. But in what kind of perverse universe is it acceptable for a 50 year old man to show naked pictures of male genitals to a 13/14 year old girl??

Since he was so likeable and was kind of part of the family I knew that no one would want to believe he was a pedophile. So I really kept most of it to myself since there wasn't much harm done, but I ache at the thought of how many other little girls he might have targeted...girls who might not have been as lucky as I am. People need to be more aware of whats happening around then and not be in denial all the time. I felt a sense of betrayal that the people who I loved the most did not take me seriously enough. People should be more willing to listen to their children and be more careful of what they are exposed to.

Hungry Much?

2009-08-23T10:48:00.009+05:00

Ah the month of Ramadan...the month where some people are at their most crankiest mood. The incessant hunger makes them even more grouchy than usual as the day continues. Whenever someone bites my head off for some minor thing during this month, I just tell them to go eat a cookie or something. :D

The other type of people are the ones that I like to call the roadha cops. They would cross-examine you to see whether you're really roadha or not. Then they would ask you questions such as "Do you pray 5 times a day when you're fasting? Or else it won't count you know" or "Do you listen to music while you're fasting?" Then they would act all righteous and superior about themselves and go around walking like they are purer than bottled water.

There are also the whiners who constantly gripe and moan about how hungry they are and how they are starving because they didn't have any haaru before they slept. (Note that these people never seem to be able to have haaru) They would get on your nerves about how tired they are and about how long the day is dragging out from dawn to dusk. To these people I'd suggest not fasting at all and stuffing your faces so that the rest of us won't have to hear you grumble about how you are sacrificing food for a short time as if you are the only one who is.

Next comes the bunch that go to sleep in the early morning and get out of bed 5 minutes before the time comes to break their fast and later claim with pride that they had fasted every day of the month. ;) heehee

And lastly I guess comes the people who just plain fast, I guess.

Happy Ramadan :)

The Shoe Flower

2009-08-16T18:30:00.009+05:00

What is a phobia?

A phobia is a strong, persistent fear of situations, objects, activities, or persons. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive, unreasonable desire to avoid the feared subject. Phobias are believed to be developed by heredity, genetics and brain-chemistry combine with life-experiences.

This is going to sound really stupid but ever since I could remember, I have been terrified...TERRIFIED of the Hibiscus flower. Don't ask me why, I have no idea. Some people tell me that it was probably because I was traumatized when I was really young by some incident that I cannot remember now. I doubt it though...

My parents told me that it started from wilted flowers when I was about three or so. Wilted flowers disgust me still. It may be difficult for others to grasp but I don't see any difference between a dead flower and a dead body. I even get shivers thinking about it.

I remember when I was about six, I had to go to a house to learn how to recite the Quran. But the problem was, in order to get in the house I had to go through a path with Hibiscus flowers looming at me on both sides. Luckily there was another way to get in through the house through the kitchen. So everyday I would go through the kitchen instead of taking the direct and easy path just to avoid the flowers.

One other incident I remember is when I was about 4, a photographer came by our house and my aunt asked him to take a picture of me in the garden. We had a garden then and yes it had Hibiscus flowers (thanks to my mom hmph...) that I stayed 6 feet away from at all times. Unfortunately it was the only freakin plant in the garden with flowers on it so the photographer told me to stand near the plant. I didn't want him to know I was scared of a measly flower, so slowly I dragged my little self towards the plant and stood about 2 feet away from it and forced a tight hopeful smile.

The goddamn photographer shook his head and told me to get closer to it so that he can get a better shot. I bit my lip and took a step closer to it, while trying to keep a straight face and mentally shooting daggers at him. Finally after what seemed like ages, the flash went off and I took a breath and started to run off when he said, "Hey, this ones no good, lets take one more, and try to smile this time."

Thats when I started crying..

My brothers used to torture me back then by throwing flowers at me, wilted Hibiscus flowers on top of that '-' They'd tell me that they have a present for me and me being the kid I was, would hold out my hand and they'd plop one into my hand. I'd scream like a banshee and then my mom would yell at my brothers to leave me alone.

Even a few years back when I went to Paradise Island Resort, I saw the flowers on both sides of the pathways on my way to our room and I coudnt go near them. I walked exactly on the middle so I didn't get too close to either side of the path.

I even get nightmares of waking up in a bed filled with wilted flowers or a huge Hibiscus flower devouring me with a "chomp". In my mind I realize that it is not a reasonable fear and that it cannot harm me in anyway, but i still can't go near it. I even got goosebumps when I looked up the picture for this post.

People I know come up with theories about the redness of the flower and wilted flowers symbolising this and that. But I think some of these stuff just don't have sensible explanations. You fear what you fear.

Heres what Wikepedia has to say about the fear of flowers:

Anthophobia is an abnormal and persistent fear of flowers (from Greek roots anthos, flower, + phobos, fear).

Though sufferers generally understand that they face no threat from flowers, they invariably experience anxiety at the sight or thought. Any genus or species of flowers can instill fear, as can any flower part, such as a petal or stem.^[1]

Fodi Scan

2009-08-13T21:59:00.006+05:00

You can get your farts scanned at ADK Hospital now. Hehehhe I know it's not really funny but man it was funny at the time we saw the sign outside this room.

We imagined there'd be some weird machine that you poke your butt into and let rip one. Then the doc would look at a screen attached and go "hmm, interesting...odor seems normal, texture quite nutty". heeheehee.

Yes I am gross and weird, Get over it. '_'

I've learned...

2009-08-11T10:00:00.006+05:00

I've learned that you cannot trust anyone 100% because it's not possible.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that you'd better have some money.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others. They are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that if you ask a stupid question, you will get a stupid answer.
I've learned that you can keep puking long after you you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, their dysfunction can make us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that no matter how bad you are hurting, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that, because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other...and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean that they do.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever.

And I've learned that I still have a lot to learn...

Teen Angst

2009-08-08T17:01:00.007+05:00

I was going through some of my old stuff from my early teenage years when I came across a list I had made on a day that I was really bummed over something that I can't remember now. It was in 2001, I must have been about 13 or 14 and all rebellious and 'tough'. :D Anyway I find it really amusing now that I've um..matured (somewhat) but some of the stuff still rings true I guess. Here's the list :-

As you grow up . . .

1. Life gets complicated.
2. Home is not safe anymore.
3. Crying doesn't solve anything but you cry anyway.
4. Enemies become easier to make.
5. You learn the value of money.
6. Things don't get better just by a lollipop.
7. It gets harder to prove your innocence.
8. Sometimes adults seem even more stupider than you.
9. The things you discover get even more unbelievable.
10. Some truths are better off hidden.
11. You get more concerned about your looks.
12. There is nowhere to hide or escape.
13. You live in a world of fear.
14. Pain is such a sudden rush.
15. You hear the phrase, "I told you this would happen" more often.
16. Freedom is the last thing you can have.
17. Privacy is not an option until you get gray hair.
18. It gets more and more easier to start wars with your parents.
19. Bad language is the only way you can express your feelings.
20. You never learn from mistakes.
21. All the time you walk into traps.
22. Controlling your anger is not easy.
23. Even the smallest thing you say could ruin your life.
24. The tongue is stronger than the pen.
25. Only the lucky would achieve happiness.
26. Laughter is more rare.
27. Days are longer, time is shorter.
28. School becomes a jail.
29. Home sweet home is a prison.
30. Sometimes you think that animals understand you better.
31. You always expect the worse to happen.
32. Lesser people give sympathy or pity.
33. Being patient is not your policy.
34. Nobody appreciates the little work you do.
35. Responsibilities overload you.
36. Most nights are sleepless.
37. You find yourself thanking heaven for entertainment.
38. When you get really sick, nobody believes you.
39. Smiles are fake, frowns are for real.
40. The only punishments you get are for the things that you weren't responsible for.
41. Practice never makes perfect.
42. Headaches become a daily thing.
43. There never goes a day that you don't get scolded for something.
44. Every time that you get accused of something you have to have proof that it wasn't you.
45. Almost everything you do is later regretted.
46. Things that you like are always sinful.
47. Things that you don't like are always supposed to be good for you.
48. Food is disgusting when you're not in the mood.
49. Music does lifts your spirits.
50. The true meaning of love is erased from your heart.

Hehe, I was one dramatic kid wasn't I? All 'bad' and everything. It's really nice to have stuff like this to look back on after years.

2009-08-08T15:22:00.005+05:00

A newspaper column by Mary Schmich, published by the Chicago Tribune on 01 June 1997 which inspired me a lot. I encourage all young people to try it.

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

Feminism or Chivalry?

2009-08-05T10:05:00.026+05:00

I have always been the type of girl who always stood up for the equal rights of women and fumed at any type of gender discrimination. But sometimes when I share my point of view to some people, they act like I've told them I practice black magic or something. Then they start chanting, "Feminist! Feminist!"

Now the being called a feminist always makes me cringe but there is no good reason why I should though. It merely means, " the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men." which I do believe in wholeheartedly. So then I wondered, why do I still hesitate to declare that I am a feminist?

Modern Feminism, I find is totally warped. These days when you picture a feminist, the images that pop up into your head are absurd. Eg. Radicals, Lesbian dykes. Feminism actually made a lot of sense in the nineteenth century and early twentieth century when women couldn't vote, didn't have property rights and were owned by their husbands.

Feminism has such a negative connotation now which is why I avoid talking about it to people. If I do, they either get intimidated or turned off. Although I do believe women should have the same rights as men, there will always be differences between men and women. For one thing men have evolved to be physically taller and stronger than women because they were hunting for food while women reared the children. Therefore it is unacceptable for a man to beat up a woman.

I guess I could be called somewhat of a hypocrite too since I believe in chivalry too. :D Chivalry as in men holding the door open for the lady. Letting the lady have your seat if she is standing. So you see, I am somewhat confused about where I stand....Basically I would say that I want the guy to always hold the door open for me, but at the same time always know that I can open it myself If I wanted to. :p Fair enough eh?

It can be quite confusing to be a man in today's society, what with all the empowered women traipsing around demanding their independence, while chastising them for not being courteous enough to open doors for them. A general rule of thumb to keep in mind when dealing with the fairer (not weaker) sex: treat them as you would want them to treat you. Don't baby her or treat her like a child, simply be there for her as you would a good friend and everything should be fine.

Raajjetherey People

2009-08-04T09:18:00.008+05:00

The other day I met this guy who was being a real pain in the ass at work. He was supposed to submit a letter in English but he had brought one in Dhivehi. When I told him that I couldn't accept the letter, he went ballistic on me. He started raising the roof about how we are all dhivehin and blah blah blah. Then he said something that ticked me off. He said, "We are 'raajje therey' people."

Why do people say that phrase whenever they don't get things done the way they want? I mean don't get me wrong I am a "raajjetherey" person myself, but I don't feel the need to rant about it whenever I don't get things done the way I want by others. I mean whats the point? Who isn't "raajjetherey" these days anyway? Most people in Male' are from some island or under dhaftharu.

Of course there are certain situations where it is appropriate to bring up that you are not from Male'. There is such a huge difference between the Maleans and the rest of the Islands because of the way things were in the past. The discrimination is slowly fading away but the roots have still got a hold. Understandably people find it hard to forget the past.

These people though say it like we are supposed to bend the rules for them out of pity just because they aren't "Maleans". Well I don't care whether you're from Thimarafushi or Thailand, I can't differentiate between people.

There is so much hate and resentment between Maldivians in the "My island/Atoll is better than your Island/Atoll." way. I should know since I classify as an "Addu Goobadda" myself. Ever since I could remember I have been hearing from others that Addu people are the sluttiest/greediest/snobbiest people in the Maldives. Heck, its not just Addu, there are people like that everywhere.

One girl once bitched about Addu people to my face and I was like, "Ahem...".

She looked at me and said, "Oh don't worry, you don't classify as one of them since you grew up here."

I asked her, "Oh so it's not me but my parents and my whole family eh?"

Typical ignorance...

One other thing that upsets me is how Adduans accuse me of trying to be a Malean. Well helloo? My parents have moved here long before I was born. What do you expect? I'm sorry I cannot speak the dialect as fluently as you, but it's not what I was brought up with. I don't have any issues with being an Adduan. Whenever someone asks me I tell them I'm from S.Hithadhoo so and so. The problem is when people criticize me for talking like a Malean, living over here, being in a relationship with a Malean. etc

I'm sorry but I consider Male' to be my home. I grew up here, raised hell in Aminiya here and made what little friends I have here. I'm sure I have tons of relatives over there but they are pretty much strangers to me. It's a shame I know but that's the way it is.

P.S - Apologies about the terms "Adduan" and "Malean". It was just easier than saying Male' people or Addu people.

"White" Beauty

2009-07-31T15:11:00.008+05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJFITz-edLY&feature=PlayList&p=AEF09A91DF9C238C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=15

I saw this commercial sometime ago in which Priyanka Chopra advertises Ponds White Beauty, a product which is supposed to give you a 'white pinkish glow'. I was so offended I had to change channels. Why are South Asians, specially Indians, still obsessed with having lighter skin? Why do they still promote self racism?

Even here in Maldives there is still this craze with 'Fair and Lovely' (So If we don't use it does it mean we're dark and ugly?) and 'Fair Plus' and all the other 'Fairs'. Not that I can blame the women since society expects them to be 'dhon'. Even in the dhivehi songs and poems they are always talking about a 'dhon manje' or 'dhon kamana'. Comments like, ' eyna reethi ekam massalayakee kudakoh kalhee' are still common. Shame really...since some of the very beautiful people we have here aren't necessarily light skinned.

And it doesn't help when some men just say things like 'kalhu kanda eh', it's sickening actually. We should be more secure about who we are instead of being occupied with what people have been believing in the past. As corny as it sounds beauty is not about how light your skin is, you would find that people are more likely to see you as more attractive as long as you are confident and secure about who you are.

Burden

2009-07-28T11:54:00.007+05:00

This burden I carry, feeling weak and weary
Descending down to the nothingness.
Whilst others canter along, blithe and cheery
I crawl away, unheeding their protests.

Upon the horizon, a fire burns fiery
The reach of its power, aiming to possess.
Mystified I paused, and made my inquiry
"Behold! Can you not see I am in distress?"

No answer came, I went ahead wary
The flames turned cool like a mothers caress.
It beckons to me, to the burden I carry
Relieves me of the weight of this stress.

I stand up straight, feeling light and airy
No longer do I crawl nor desire to regress.
Chaste and pure again, emotions they vary
Nay, never again will I fall, depressed.

Over the hill

2009-07-27T15:08:00.015+05:00

I feel old. I suppose someone 10 or 20 years older than me would find that laughable the same way I find it laughable when 16 or 17 year old kids say that they feel old. But the new generation of teenagers that I come across really makes me wonder whether I'm over the hill. It all happened so fast, I didn't even realize how much things have changed.

Whatever happened to writing in good old plain English? I don't understand half the phrases of what I read these days. I mean here are some samples of what I'm talking about.

"i luurrve diz boye. wonna noe mo abt meh?" or "too mani tearx i cried. mwahx"

Seriously It's like Greek to me. I'm not trying to judge but I feel like I'm a decade older than I really am. There's no way I can talk like that without retching. And If I hear "obi" one more time I'll stab that person. Call me finicky but, the other day I heard the term "obi koli".

I nearly stabbed myself...

Love thy neighbour

2009-07-26T16:01:00.004+05:00

Do humans crave for privacy? Or do they need to embrace togetherness? While I was juggling these two ideas, the quotation “Good fences make good neighbors” from the poem “Mending Wall” by Robert Frost caught my attention. Personally from my experience, I think that every individual needs their own space, where they can be most comfortable.

In my opinion fences and walls between people and their territory helps secure good relationship between neighbors without any room for misunderstandings. A clear division will prevent arguments and disputes. If we keep boundaries, then other people will know what the boundaries are and respect that. For instance, if you had an apple tree in your yard and the neighbor’s children always picked your apples, it would definitely get on your nerves and you would come to resent them. But if there was a wall, it would send everyone a message saying, “This is my property”.

Curiosity and diversity may be a positive aspect of humanity. No matter what we do, we cannot help barging into others lives and inquiring about their actions. We have to accept that. If a person is walking by and hears an argument going on in a house nearby, he or she is very likely to pause or stop and listen to it, but if there is a wall between them, the inherent curiosity is curbed to a certain extent. That is another reason I really believe that a “barrier” should be there between neighbors.

Everyone needs their own privacy. Though humans desire to interact with each other, they still need their own comfort-zone. Even when I was growing up to be a teenager, I have always yearned for my own room which I later got. It feels as though I have my own haven now. When I am in my own room, I feel as if I am in a cozy cocoon, protected from judgmental and hostile influences. The walls that surround me keep me from experiencing any embarrassing incidents that might otherwise happen if I was sharing my room with another person. A wall can ensure privacy leaving people free to be themselves in their own homes.

To sum up, I would say that some people have negative perspectives towards a wall between neighbors whereas others have positive attitudes toward it. They have their own views and opinions to uphold their beliefs. But I do strongly believe that,” Good fences make good neighbors”.

Awesome things…

2009-07-25T21:31:00.004+05:00

1) Eating peanut butter with a spoon.

2) Watching old cheesy horror movies.

3) The musty smell of ancient cobweb ridden books.

3) Playing with an already softened kekuri. (Is it me or did that sound dirty?)

4) Hot chocolate on a rainy day.

5) Reading a new comic book.

6) 80s/90s Cartoons.

7) The taste of ‘mas bis’. I don’t think the stuff we have here would classify as caviar though : /

9) The sound of classical music in the early hours of the morning.

10) How the tongue feels after having let it dry totally outside the mouth.

Have you ever...?

2009-07-24T18:12:00.011+05:00

I need like the beggars need shelter.

Have you ever needed?

I am cocooned in my own shell.

Will you push the wall down?

I push the words down because they taste bitter.

Have you ever not stifled?

I'm terrified of myself.

Have you ever cared?

You never promised, it goes to show.

My lack of reason leading to chaos.

Perhaps, if I did not think, and I think too much.

You'd find me thinking better thoughts.

I have followed for awhile.

It drags on for miles and miles.

Waging a bet that I'll lose anyway.

I lie awake wondering still.

Have you ever wondered?

Realization

2009-07-24T16:13:00.008+05:00

The vines grow deep, entwining me.

It's made its place, now haunting me.

I tried to turn, we've crossed the line.

And now it's just a steady decline...

It leaves stains, as it drains the life.

It seeps pain, as it cuts like a knife.

I tried to dodge, we've gone too fast.

Never thought I'd come to last...

For the sweetness, it doesnt stay.

On my wretched soul, does it prey.

I tried to leap, we've lost the game.

It dawned on me, I was to blame...

Fuzz Therapy

2009-07-23T16:51:00.005+05:00

A little something something for my big bad tigeresque kitten.

A ginger fuzz

Dozing in my space

A wet nose

Pushin against my face

A shrill miaow

Demanding to be fed

A rough lick

As a thanks instead

A row of teeth

Yawning with 'grace'

My ball of fur

I could never replace

Hope...

2009-07-23T00:10:00.007+05:00

Standing in the rain with no umbrella.

He seems a shadow of himself.

Thoughts strewn that he couldn't keep.

Some things just run too deep.

Best left on the shelf.

Just that kind of fella...

Waiting for the sun with hope to spare

He sees a tiny glimpse of light.

Guides him through without a scratch.

And the blue flame of a lighted match.

Shows him the way is right.

She is still there...

Dammit...

2009-07-22T09:50:00.004+05:00

Finally...I've made a blog. *Waits for applause*. No seriously I don't know for how long I've been wanting to and have been pestered about making one. Now I'm 'cool' too :D. Ahem.. So lets see, what should i write about. Wait! I didn't think this through! Whats the protocol here? Do I rant about how society is ruining our lives? Do I reminisce about the good old times? Do I spew my wrath on everyone who has pissed me off during my whole life? Or do i just keep on writing mushy poems (at least i think it was a poem) as seen below. Ah screw it...

Lingers Still...

2009-07-21T10:55:00.007+05:00

She is not swept, though she longs to be...

Swept like a ship on the rough seas...

Aches to shy of what could not be...

Lingers still, Just a second more...

She is not lost, though she longs to be...

Lost like a teardrop in the sea...

"Cling to me, lady mine", says he...

Lingers still, why, I do not know...

She is not all there, though she longs to be...

There like a siren spread with glee...

Puzzled by her own lone misery...

Lingers still, for how long though...