When its not Mr.Right
I know a lot of women who don't have a clue about dating the wrong sort of guy. Now I'm no expert at these sorts of things but maybe keeping an eye out for these few points might help you ladies know if he's worth it. You'd think a few of these might be obvious but you'd be surprised how many people justify it and put up with it.
- He has a problem making basic efforts to things such as calling and showing up when he says that he will. Does he makes plans with you and cancel at the last minute? Do you find yourself staring at the phone for hours or all dressed up and nowhere to go? If he isn't dependable you're going to have a problem in the future.
- You're dating that quiet guy you know who stalks you and has a shrine dedicated to you at his place. No it would not be a wise idea to settle for someone creepy and obsessive just because you want to control him and the direction of your relationship or because you're just afraid of being alone. -.-
- You like the potential of what he could be, rather than the reality of what he is. If you are going to give him a personality overhaul, what were you attracted to in the first place? If you're going to make him dress like a douche, I suggest you break up with him and look for someone who actually likes wearing scarves in the tropics.
- He is controlling, jealous and possessive. Relationships are about compromises but when you've been isolated from your family and friends, this is not romantic and he is not being 'protective'. Its emotional manipulation due to deep set insecurities that you can't fix. I suggest you run as fast as you can and never look back.
- He verbally/physically abuses you. Now hurling profanities and slapping around each other might work for some couples but I figure for most of you it wouldn't be ideal. It's important to note that guys like this do not change. They'll apologize, cry, promise they'll never do it again and the next day slam you to a wall. I repeat, escape while you've still got your teeth.
- He is miserable. If someone is miserable about their work, their family, their friends, their life or whatever, you can’t fix it. The issues are theirs to fix. The problem is that misery loves company and this guy is bringing you down. If you’re with a chronically miserable person, it’s just a matter of time before you’ll be down in the dumps as well.
- He is addicted to drugs, alcohol or porn. An addiction of ANY form isn't healthy. Do you want to spend your life tending to a junkie, alcoholic or someone who spends more time fapping at his computer than with you? To be fair It's different if it was in his past and he has overcome his addictions. That might have strengthened his character.
- It's been months now and he hasn't introduced you to any of his friends or family. This sounds like a booty call/friends with benefits situation where he is ashamed of you and using you just for the goodies. When he takes you out, is it always to dark, enclosed and obscure places that few people go to? If he is truly into you, he'd have no problem being seen with you anywhere.
- You act different around him and not in a good way. It's normal to try and impress each other earlier on, but if you constantly have to bend over backwards to impress him or pretend to like everything he likes, its doomed. You want someone to like you for who you are, so don't give out the wrong impression. Also, you're going to have to let him see you without make-up eventually!
- You seem to never quite know where you stand. If he doesn't make you feel special or does nice and considerate things occasionally, how are you any different than any other girl? Different guys have different ways of showing they care, be it by getting you a small gifts, leaving you notes or in my case watching romantic comedies occasionally with me. ^.^
- You both don't share the same ideas about the future. Now I'm not saying jump in and discuss everything from marriage to kids before you've even fallen for each other. That would scare the poor chap half to death and have him running for the hills. But as soon as you're both comfortable enough with each other to discuss matters like this, I suggest you do. It would save a lot of heartache later on.